Devil's Advocate: In Defense of Segregation

I'm going to make a very controversial statement.  I'm not sure that desegregation was really a good thing.  Now before everyone of color labels me crazy or something worse, let me plead my case.

My mother grew up in a town in Northeastern North Carolina during the height of Jim Crow.  She attended segregrated schools and graduated from high school in a building that once housed an all white high school.  She told me that the school building was passed down to the them when a new school was built for the whites. 

In spite of the limitations that were place upon them, my mother and her classmates received a first rate education.  Mom can still recite things that she learned in high school.  One of her favorite things to recite is Lady MacBeth's sololiquy from Shakespeare's MacBeth. 

My mother is 71 years old.  Sometimes she can't remember what she did on the previous day.  But she remembers most of what she learned in school.

My aunt is in her eighties and she can recite "Crossing the Bar" by Alfred, Lord Tennyson.  My mother said that my aunt recited this poem beautifully and accurately.  She learned this poem in high school.

Mom also expressed her discontent with the fact that today's students do not recite their speeches.  She proudly told me that in her day, one had to recite his or her speech regardless of the length. She scoffed, "How does it look for the valedictorian, number one in the class to read a speech?" 

Well Mom, today's students are not like the students in your day.  There are so many factors that go into making this true. 

For one, there is a lack of community.  In the segregated community, everyone looked out for everyone.  Everyone's children belonged to everyone.  Everyone's business was well, everyone's business. 

The Black or Negro community was self sustaining.  All of the professionals (i.e. teachers, doctors and lawyers) were Black.  The storeowner was Black.  Even the elected officials were Black.  Blacks were forced rely on themselves because they were not welcome to mingle in any way with Whites.  They knew that they had to stick together in order to be a united front in the face of adversity.

Education was different.  Black teachers knew that their students had to be better, smarter, and work harder than their white counterparts.  So despite limited resources, they made sure that their students received the best education.  They took a personal interest in their students because they could identify with them. 

At the same time, the community supported the teachers.  My mother said that if someone acted out in school that they would be disciplined by neighbors on their way home and of course further disciplined by their parents once the child got into the house.  The teaching profession was well respected and the teacher was looked at as an intrigal part of the community.  Teachers didn't teach to a test but instead equipped their students with the tools necessary to be functional members of society.

Black people had more of a sense of community because they were forced to do so.  They had no choice but to stick together in the face of adversity.  Strength was in numbers.  We worshipped together.  We celebrated together.  We grieved together.  We were together.

Now that black people are scattered due to desegregation, there is no longer that sense of community.  On the contrary.  Now the line that divides is socioeconomic.  Middle and upper class blacks are hesitant to associate with lower class blacks preferring instead to associate with their own. 

Now we have adopted more of the European worldview of self preservation which is in stark contrast to the African worldview of cooperation and community.  We focus on ourselves and our immediate families instead of our community as a whole.  We were more community oriented during slavery and Jim Crow.  Was that because we didn't have a choice?  Or was it because of our African roots? 

Either way it's sad to see that we have assimilated to our surroundings and we no longer place a great emphasis on the community.  It does lead me to wonder how our communities would have faired if education was indeed separate but equal.  If desegregation would have never occurred would our communities have remained strong?  Would we still have the same sense of community that we enjoyed for so many years?

I'm not saying that there weren't inherent evils in segregation.  Any policy based on the domination of one race over is wrong.  I do not want to desecrate the memory of those who died fighting for equal rights.  But I do believe that desegregation had a major part in the decimation of the black community.

Perhaps this will be a catalyst for the discussion on the state of our community and how we can recapture some of the elements that once made us great.

Passion Fruit for the Soul

My daughter Amadi has declared that she wishes to become a professional soccer player.  I'm not sure if I should have dissuaded her and instead lobbied for a more predictable, profitable professional.  I'm guessing that there are some parents out there who would have done just that.  But I chose another path.

I encouraged her decision.  I know that she will probably change her career choice at least twenty times before she actually has to choose a major.  So there are some who may say that I was right to indulge her because it won't stick.  But even if it does stick, I will still encourage her. 

I want my daughter to follow her passion.  I want her to wake up every morning excited about going to work.  I don't want her to be 33 years old and still trying to figure out what she wants to do with the rest of her life.  My only stipulation is that she gets a degree in something.

Being a professional soccer player isn't so bad.  She'll get an opportunity to see the world and be in great physical shape.

Before she aspired to be a professional soccer player, Amadi wanted to be a firefighter.  I was fine with that as well.  My 10 year old is a thrill seeker with a heart of gold.  Her favorite pastime, aside from soccer, is doing back flips off of the sofa in the family room.  She also loves to do things will little people and seniors.  She wants to have an adrenaline rush and help people.  I was great with that.  So I started researching degrees in Fire Science. 

Now that she wants to be the future Abby Wambach, I can research sports related degrees.  I want her to pursue her passion but I believe that it's important for her to have a back-up plan related to that passion.  So even if the professional soccer thing doesn't pan out she can coach soccer and be a Physical Education teacher or even a trainer.

Being 33 and at a career crossroads has helped me to approach Amadi's rearing a little different.  I don't want her to be like me.  I don't want her trying to still figure out things years after obtaining her undergraduate degree.

At an early age I had a passion for politics.  My earliest memory of participating in the democratic process is the Bush-Dukakis presidential race in 1988.  I remember telling my mother that I didn't know why she was voting for Dukakis because he wasn't going to win.  It seems I had followed all of the polling and news coverage on the race.  That Election Night, I stayed up late to watch the returns.  Of course George Bush was the victor.

From then on, my mother would take me to vote with her.  She would take me into the polling booth and I would pull the levers for her.  This was after I advised her on the candidates and their platforms.  I never missed an Election Day.  I was jubilant when I turned 18 and was able to vote on my own.

Until this day, I still get calls from family members asking for voting advice.  They know that I keep up with the issues and I thoroughly research platforms.

So why did I major in English?  Why didn't I major in Political Science?  Simply put, my mother didn't know how to channel my passion into a career.  She had no idea that I could have been a Congressional Staffer, a political writer, a policy researcher etc. etc.  Unfortunately, I came of age in the pre-internet era so it wasn't as simple as performing a Google search.

My mother is the daughter of sharecroppers so in her defense, she had no idea how to encourage my vocational pursuits.  She only knew that it was immensely important for me to go to college.  I did that and went on to obtain a Master's degree in City and Regional Planning.  Somewhat political but not quite.

By the time I pursued my Master's I was already working in my second career as a government employee.  I taught English for three years and after burning out quickly, I took a random job with the government.  While working for the government I wanted to get a Master's in something related.  Public Administration didn't appeal to me so I chose Urban Planning.  While in planning school, Katrina happened and I found a new passion.  I decided that I wanted to devote my life to helping people rebuild their communities after disasters.  I was so touched by the devastation and calamity of Katrina that I wanted to do something worthwhile.

Although I loved urban planning, I couldn't afford to take a pay cut as I was a single parent and already making good money.  Pursuing my new found passion, a job in disaster planning, would have required me to take a $20,000 pay cut.  That was a jump that I could not make.  So I decided to remain in the government and settle for something close.  My job as a facilities planner for the military is the closest that I will probably get until my daughter gets old enough for me to not have to focus so much on money (whenever that is).

Once again, I didn't follow a passion.  This time I knowingly walked away from a career because of financial reasons.  The first time was due to a lack of information and guidance.

If I had to live my life again with the wisdom that I have now, I would have pursued a career in politics.  If I would have done this right out of college, I would have been able to start at the entry level.  Any money made after scrapping by during four years of college would have been a boon.  I would have been able to satisfy my writing jones by penning articles and editorials.

But I can't go back in time (at least not yet).  I cannot relive my life.  But I can use the knowledge that I have gleaned to assist my daughter and others in making career choices.  I don't want my daughter to be complacent at work like I've become.  I want her to have a career and not a job.  I want her to be fulfilled.

So even if she decided that she wants to be a scuba diving instructor, or a cupcake baker or yes, even a basket weaver, I will support her decision and do everything in my power to ensure that she is informed about her career choice and educational options.  Her career choice will not grow out of a lack of information or compensation but it will grow out of her true passion.

Weak Constitution

This morning on National Public Radio (NPR), Southerners were being interviewed in advance of tonight’s Republican Presidential Primaries in Alabama and Mississippi. 

The reporter was attempting to gauge the sentiment of voters.  The one comment that stood out the most for me was this: 

John Gentile of Crossville, Tenn., still doesn't believe Obama is allowed to be president because his father was born in Kenya."I just don't like the directions that he's headed in, and personally I don't think he qualifies to be president under the 'natural born citizen.' In the Constitution it states that you have to have two parents that were born in the United States, so that there's no alternative allegiance by any member of the family," Gentile said.

Article 2, Clause 5 of The Constitution states, “No Person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President; neither shall any person be eligible to that Office who shall not have attained to the Age of thirty five Years, and been fourteen Years a Resident within the United States,”

So I’m trying to figure out exactly where he got his information.  Is there a different Constitution for Southern white people?  If so, is it available to the rest of the country including people of color? 

Mr. Gentile’s statement is indicative of an ongoing phenomenon in this country.  There are a whole lot of people, of various races, who are tremendously misinformed.  But instead of seeking out information on their own, they take what the talking heads, Liberal and Conservatives, have to say as gospel.  Well, I think this is more skewed towards the Conservative Rush Limbaugh/Glen Beck sheep but I’m a card carrying Liberal so I’m a little biased.

It’s so much easier to switch on Fox or MSNBC to get our talking points rather than actually doing the research to get the real answers. 

If we really want to get down to the nitty gritty, let’s talk about the presidents who weren’t natural born citizens of the United States.  As a matter of fact, the first seven presidents were born outside of the United States.  That includes our beloved George “Cherry Tree Chopping” Washington.  Are we asking the U.S. Treasury to not print his face on our money because he was initially a British subject?  I haven’t heard anyone do that…yet.  Besides, what would be the point?  We all know that the first Americans was all foreign born.  At least I hope we all know that.

But how many people actually take the time to research something as minor as the first president born in the U.S.  I can’t even take credit for this bit of nerdiness as it was my colleague who first asked the question.  I just executed the search on the all knowing Google.

The fact that people aren’t informed creates an ignorant electorate.   In my opinion, that’s pretty dangerous.  Do we really know what people stand for or their history or are we just voting based on what our party leaders tell us? 

We have to remember that the talking heads are paid very well to stir up trouble.  They don’t give a damn about the average American.  They are paid to be controversial; the more controversial the better.

In the same segment on Morning Edition, people were still talking about being under Muslim rule because the President is Muslim.  Didn’t we establish that Mr. Obama is Christian four years ago?  Why are people still saying that?  More importantly, why does it matter?  Does his religion have anything to do with his ability to govern?  I don’t think so.  Plus, is he just representing Christians or is he representing all of the people regardless of religious affiliation?  The last time I checked, the President is the president of the entire United States and not just those of us who are Christian.

So, it is my hope that Mr. Gentile and others like him will actually read before they speak.  Because honestly it is misinformation and downright ignorance that keeps this country mired in foolishness.

Give the drummer some? Nah...I'll pass.

I can't believe that it's been six weeks since I met Drummer Boy (DB).  It seems like it's been years instead of weeks.  I guess that's because of all of the things I've learned about him in six weeks time.  Let's just say that it's been an interesting journey to say the least.

I met DB at an Open Mic Night at a nightclub in the Hampton Roads area.  I had a rare Thursday night off as my daughter was with her father.  This particular place was recommended to me by a colleague who did part time security there.  He told me that it was a good place and I was delighted that he was right.

I thoroughly enjoyed the live music performed by the house band and the showcase of rappers, poets and singers in the area.

Not one to be out late, I decided to leave around 10:30pm.  I stopped outside of the front door to converse with my colleague.  While we were out there, DB came out to get some air.  I recognized him as the drummer for the house band.  I remember that he had his earplugs casually draped around his neck.  He was very friendly and immediately joined in the conversation.

Looking back I definitely can say that I found him funny.  He was a little younger than me as he was about to turn 27 and I'm 33.  He proceeded to crack jokes and flirted mercilessly with me.  He hinted around that he would like to get to know me better so I acquiesced by giving him my phone number.

We exchanged text messages initially and quickly graduated to phone calls.  In that first weekend of communication, I learned far more about him than I ever cared to know.  In hindsight, I'm glad that he was so forthcoming because I quickly relegated him to the position of potential friend.  I knew that he and I could not progress past the friendship stage because of well...him.

We made plans for that Sunday to see "Red Tails" at a local movie theater.  He had someone drop him off because he didn't have a car.  Now, let me add this disclaimer.  In a lot of urban areas (i.e. New York City), a car is not necessary.  However, in the Hampton Roads area, not having a car is indeed the kiss of death.  Especially for a freelancing musician.  We enjoyed the movie as well as each other's company.  I figured that we were on our way to becoming good friends at least.

He had also informed me that he still lived at home.  That didn't surprise me as I knew of his musical aspirations and the fact that he was still enrolled at the local community college.  However, what did surprise me was the rest of the occupants of the house. 

In addition to his mother, his 36 year old Friend with Benefits (FWB)/somewhat ex-girlfriend and her four children lived in the house.  He assured me that his relationship with her was over and that she was slated to move out soon.  I was not persuaded.  He gave me a sob story about how she had fallen on hard times and how he had convinced his mother to allow her and her children to move into the house.  He told me that they slept in separate bedrooms and that his mother had strictly forbade sexual activity between them.  I knew right then and there that he was tappin that every chance he got.  He denied it but I found out later that he had sex with her days after our fateful meeting. 

His story began to flow like spilled oil in the Gulf of Mexico.  It just kept getting bigger and bigger.  I became so immersed that I wondered if I would drown in the pool of drama.

It turns out that he had unprotected sex with numerous women.  He exposed himself and countless others to various disease and possibly a death sentence.  He spoke of getting "burnt" as one would speak of being burned by a hot pot on a stove.  He was so careless and cavalier with his story that I often wondered if the tale was true.

When he told me that he would have fathered five children had it not been for three abortions and the miscarriage of a set of twins, I looked at him as if he were an apparition.  I was stunned.  Although he admitted that he had made mistakes, it was almost as if was talking about take a test or writing a paper versus getting women pregnant and contracting a venereal disease.

He was a study in contradictions.  He wanted to be a famous drummer but he didn't practice.  He bought $200 worth of drumsticks but only had two steady low paying gigs and no day job.  He wanted to go to Berklee School of Music but didn't sightread, learn theory or have a music teacher.

About a month after I met him, he celebrated his birthday.  He informed me that his FWB wanted to take him to the movies for his birthday.  I questioned the wisdom of that decision.  I told him that if he indeed wanted to make a clean break (which he told me he did), he should keep his distance.  Well, he went anyway.  He told me that he wanted to continue to be the FWB's friend because she needed someone in her corner.  She didn't have anyone and it was important to him to be there for him.  Okay.  Fine.

I guess he had to appease her because she was providing financial support to him.  She gave him "an allowance" every two weeks, when she got paid.  Cue R. Kelly, "I'm a gigolo spending lots of dough...".  Perhaps she was paying him for services rendered.  I don't know.  The tragic thing about this arrangement is that it possibly took away funds from FWB that could have been used for securing a lease or a mortgage.

I lost more respect for him (it was already minimal) when he told me that he threatened to call Child Protective Services (CPS) if the children didn't stop arguing.  He told them that he would tell CPS that FWB was not providing an adequate home for them and that they would be separated and placed into foster care.  I was done.  Here he was threatening the very woman that not a week prior he had pledged to support no matter what!  Not to mention the fact that he was maintaining an active physical relationship with her despite claiming that she was too unstable for a relationship with him. 

DB is unfortunately not the exception to the rule in this country.  He is representative of what Black men have become.  As Black women we should take a large part of the blame as we have ruined our Black men.  There is the adage that Black women raise their daughters and love their sons.

In some instances Black women have unconsciously made their sons into their boyfriends or husbands, thus creating a modern Oedipus complex.  I'm not talking in the sexual sense but in the emotional and social sense.  For too long, Black families have been headed by Black women.  With the absence of Black men, women have turned their sons into surrogates.  Black male children are not raised with the same rules as Black girl children.  They are allowed to take liberties that their female counterparts are not allowed anywhere near.

Black men as a whole have not been strong for a couple of generations now.  However, the ramifications are just being felt in the Black community.

Some say that if a Black male child grows up in a two parent family, they will be well adjusted and grow up to be strong men.  Well, DB disproves that theory.  Although he grew up in a two parent, middle class family, his father was a gambler and drank heavily.  So his mother became the dominant parent and clearly doted on her son.  Why else would she allow his lover and her four children to move into her home?

If we want to reverse this trend we have to stop catering to and enabling our Black men.  This must start in the cradle.  We have to understand that what we do to our boys has far reaching implications.  If we don't do something now, we will continue to have generations of useless men.

As for me, I have decided to get off of the roller coaster that is DB's life.  At this juncture, I don't even think that we can be distant associates.  It saddens me to watch the behavior of yet another sorry ass Black man. 

I realize that my daughter will bring home Connor or Ramon or a man from some other race.  Because at the rate we are going, there won't be a Black man qualified enough to be a good mate to her. 

But it doesn't have to be this way.  As Black women we have to stand up and stop coddling these men.  Only then will we be able to start to reap what we have lost over the years.

Allow Myself to Introduce...Myself

Although I have been writing for over 20 years, I FINALLY decided to try blogging.  I had a friend tell me once that I should blog because I was going through a particular difficult time in my life.  That was almost 5 years ago.  Now I have finally taken the plunge.

 I am a 33 year old professional mother of a challengingly fantastic 10 year old girl.  Originally from Baltimore, I am a proud resident of Portsmouth, VA.

A lifelong learner, I am a graduate of the "Castle on the Hill", Baltimore City College High School.  I hold a Bachelor's degree in English and Master's in City and Regional Planning from Morgan State University in Baltimore (GO BEARS!!!).

I first became a nerd when I was in elementary school.  I always knew that I was different as I preferred reading and writing poetry and short stories to playing sports and Nintendo.  I was teased mercilessly in middle school because I wore big glasses, was pigeon toed and didn't wear the latest fashions.  I received a birthday card for my 13th birthday that read, "Look out, here comes the nerd!"  I spent many nights crying and wondering why I was singled out for being smart.  My grades even slipped because of it.

It wasn't until I went to high school that I embraced my nerdiness.  My high school was a citywide magnet school and only accepted the best and brightest in the City.  So in essence, we were all nerds but just at different degrees. 

Now as an adult, I find that being a nerd is fantastic.  I am the one who fields calls from family and friends when they need information on some current event or they need to decipher the meaning of a word.  My daughter swears I know everything and frequently tries to stump me with her questions.  My nerdiness enabled me to get good grades which led to getting a well paying job. 

Being a nerd rocks!  Being a Black Nerd is infinitely better!